How did a come to where I am? It started in DC working for an organization that I’ll leave nameless for the protection of the innocent. I was surrounded by attractive young women who had no fucking clue what they where doing. That’s not to say they were incompetent, it’s that they had no principles or values to guide their actions. Somehow, I was disgusted by their near amorality, their constant chattering about boys in a work environment and was I desperate for refuge. Despite their religion making no sense, I believed that Mormons where the most moral people on Earth and I was seriously thinking about going to a service just to surround myself with these moral people. Eventually, I left. “This will never happen again,” was my refrain, determined to make myself attractive to women. How would I ensure that? Just before my dismissal, I starting searching for information on women, found these weird websites talking about “AFCs.” I had no idea what AFC stood for, but it seemed like a pretty good description of me.
The more information I came across, the more hungry I became for new knowledge. How was I to make myself more appealing to women? The basic answer was to stop doing what I had been doing: being the “nice guy” and instead be an assertive jerk who raises his value by lowering the value of the woman he’s talking. I found a lair, came across guys who willing to help me out and with practice, I honed my abilities. For really the first time in my life, I could open conservations, hold a woman’s interest, get a phone number. It felt good. I had accomplished something, I was capable of self-improvement and not doomed to stay in a permanent position of being alone. But despite my hard work, I received a high percentage of flakes. I became frustrated, I had improved to a certain point and crashed into a ceiling and I lost interest in going out.
I wasn’t chasing skirts so much as I was chasing happiness. I was desperate to find someone to share my experiences with. Are women the key to happiness? The opening chapter of “The Game” provides a stark “no.” Mystery, a man who can seeming bed any woman he has, is fucking miserable and tries to kill himself. Many people would call Mystery a selfish jerk who only cares about himself. but the reality is that Mystery is completely selfless. That is, he’s completely dependent on having other people validate his value as a human being. He’s arranged his entire life to maximize his appeal to women in the mistaken belief that satisfying them will somehow satisfy himself. When a man has everything he thought he ever wanted and he still has no idea what to do with himself, it must feel like that happiness is an elusive concept that he will never grasp and death is the only way to escape his misery.
I’m a huge fan of Ayn Rand and I was blown away with one line she had about men and sex: “The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures—which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value.” What is the Community other than a bunch of guys (it’s a stretch to call them men) trying to gain self-esteem through sex? Some the more grounded ones who talk about “inner game” help guys find their self-esteem so that they can go out and seduce women, but even then the motivations are flawed. Productive achievement, not mindless hedonism, should be the product of self-esteem.